You must be a strong and courageous man. When you surrender to God you can leave a legacy. We must seek that the power of God would change our character. He can do it in prayer, He sees your effort. Let's enter the presence of the Lord and recognize our sin. Let it be a time of repentance and return to seek Him more. Remember you must seek complete obedience and obedience brings blessings, therefore it is necessary to submit to authority.